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1-23-2007

Las Vegas Featured Event


Photos by Nick McGlynn of randomnightout.com except where noted.

Another year, another yawn. The Adult Entertainment Expo just doesn't do it for me anymore. After more than a decade of being jostled by porn-hungry fans eager to photograph oversized boobies, I've become not just jaded but bored. Ditto that on the dull industry parties, where you wait in a huge line, get bossed around by assorted bouncers, only to finally get inside to find overpriced booze, few (if any) of the promised porn stars and a slobbering sausagefest of, yes, more porn-hungry fans. Sigh. What's a party girl to do?

Well, throw a few of her own parties, to start with. But in the absence of my own soiree, I'd gladly settle for something more intimate, which is what happened on my first night in Vegas. Ron Royster slipped me an invitation to his cocktail party at The Vegas Pimp House, which sounded great. After an incredible dinner of not just networking but sincere conversation with Regina Lynn of Wired.com, Freddy and Eddy, Sliquid entrepreneur Dean Elliott and more, Jamye Waxman and I cabbed it out into the hinterlands (read 15 minutes off the Strip) and were the first guests to arrive.

Ron put Ms. Waxman to work slicing cheese and we watched his amazing movie Atomic Vixens on the wide-screen TV. As other guests began to arrive, I dipped into the beer stash: a few cases of PBR on ice in the bathtub. Nice! Pretty soon the place was full of alt porn types and a surprisingly large contingent of New Yorkers. There also seemed to be a high percentage of burners, which always makes for more fun in my book! Clown Porn cuties Dick Chibbles, Daisy and Holly Stevens showed up, as well as director Benny Profane, Fleshbot contributor Audacia Ray, newcomer director/auteur Porno Jim and his delightful date Dicie, photographer Bob Coulter and other hipster sorts. When the fabulous side show sweethearts Andrew and Kellie arrived and asked, "Who's ready to see the world's largest genital piercing?" the crowd responded in the affirmative. Andrew dropped his pants and proffered his penis, along with the enormous ring riding in the skin between said penis and his dangling balls. "It's big enough to be a bracelet!" someone exclaimed and I enthusiastically slipped my hand into the ring.
Their ridiculousness continued when it was time for Pussy Darts. Kellie slid her skirt up, inserted a blow dart gun into her snatch and took aim at the balloons Andrew had attached to his naked body. How's that for trust? In between some near misses that stuck into the kitchen wall she popped a few and we onlookers went wild with every explosion. Andrew later sealed his rep as a complete freak by diving into the freezing cold swimming pool. Naked, of course. And the evening's freak show finale was fire spinning and hula hooping by the lovely Ali, who'd traveled all the way from North Carolina to partake in the madness.

Jamye and I bumbled back to our shared hotel room at the glamorous Frontier sometime around 2am. Oy. And that was just the first night! Wait! No it wasn't! Reverse! Although it doesn't have much to do with the AEE, my actual first night in Vegas was Tuesday night and just because I didn't have an adult party to attend, don't think I didn't drink! I met a friend who was in town for CES at the Circle Bar and we had ourselves a few beers. Before we knew it, we were surrounded by her cohorts and on our way to crashing the PC Magazine party at Postino. (Okay, truly I was the only party crasher, as it wasn't my purview. But we all felt like crashers, even if it was my friend's actual competition.) As I always say, free drinks are awesome! Within the brief hour we were there I managed to suck down a couple of Coronas, chat up a few PC Mag PR babes and totally piss off a Wall Street Journal writer whose tech beat is Microsoft. Hahah! Urp.
Okay, so let's fast forward back to - where was I? - Thursday night. Jamye and I stopped into the Adam & Eve party at V Bar, where we hung out with Candida Royalle and AVN's Jared Rutter, to name a few. I couldn't stay long because I had a party of my own to host. I'd hoped to throw a Mondo Porno that night but due to the severe flakeage of my friend the "Vegas promoter," I was left without a venue, as was Ron Royster. So the two of us had collaborated, via phone and very last minute, on a Porn Star Karaoke night at Hidden Secrets. I had no idea where the place was. I just booked my pals Velocity Chyalld and Pink Snow and promised to show up in proper attire for emceeing an evening of silliness. And silliness is exactly what we got. The club was way off the beaten path (read NOT across the street from Mandalay Bay, as promised, but behind and across a freeway from Mandalay Bay) and a former topless club. Which meant that the manager was running the place as though there were still bare titties.

Almost the entire contingent from the previous evening's festivities showed up, with a few extra New Yorkers and other alt industry folks as well, including the delightfully debonair and tantalizingly tall Gram Ponante, "America's porn journalist." We all got good and sloshed and made asses of ourselves on the stripper pole, singing bad karaoke. Jamye Waxman was especially awesome with her rendition of "Sweet Cherry Pie" and Gram's interpretation of Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon" left me swooning. We actually went back to Circle Bar at some ungodly hour and I can barely remember going up to my hotel room. Suffice it to say, more hilarity ensued. Jeeebus, where's my reality TV crew? My life is infinitely more interesting than anything I've seen thus far…

 Photo by James Campbell/Mayflower Productions.
Friday night there were all sorts of industry events and I simply couldn't motivate myself to wait in any of their lines. Instead, I warmed up with a few more beers at, yes, Circle Bar, and corralled a bunch of unsuspecting strangers -- and some predictably suspecting friends -- for the first of our two suite parties. You see, the past two years I'd wound up in a suite party at the Venetian following the AVN Awards and met the guys who hosted. Last year's suite seemed a little small. And when a friend from Manhattan who attends my sexy soirees offered one of his luxury suites -- all two bedroom, three bathroom, baby grand piano and flat screen TVs of them -- for a party, I immediately began hatching my plan. It worked out even better than I'd imagined, with not one but two luxury suites, plus a regular ol' sweet suite for me. Thanks, Doug!

Anyway, the big bash was to be Saturday night, but the boys wanted to have a more intimate evening Friday and I helped supply the talent. I mean guests. There were a few couples with fetishy leanings, swingers and spankers and a bunch of my New York friends, including Penthouse Forum and Girls of Penthouse editor Eric Danville, in addition to a few more representatives of the alt porn world: Eon McKai, Ron Royster, et al. Fleshbot editor John D. was in attendance as well, with his adorable friend Nick. And I knew things were just perfect when the outrageous sideshow freaks from Wednesday night, Andrew and Kellie, showed up. Yay! They gave us a repeat presentation of Pussy Darts, as well as an encore unveiling of Andrew's genital piercing. But the most fun part of the night resulted from Nick insisting that someone get into the Jacuzzi bathtub full of bubbles. I had to admit they were tempting, so I pressed the on button for the Jacuzzi jets and watched the pile of bubbles rise. Scooping up a handful, I started blowing them at people. Soon it was a full-on bubble war, with everyone wearing big blobs of foam; it was surprisingly, um, firm. I hear there was some fucking in that firm foam, but I didn't witness it firsthand; I was busy watching pussy darts. Ahem. The return to my room is hazy, at best...
Saturday night I trekked all the way to the other end of the Strip to watch the stars walk the red carpet into the AVN Awards and, while it wasn't a total waste of time, it wasn't exactly the Oscars, either. But it was fun to see what the starlets were wearing and watch the hoi polloi get all excited about seeing Ron Jeremy. And Gene Simmons. From there I met friends and we attempted to attend the AltMaker's Ball. Doors were supposed to be at 10 and when they still had us waiting outside in the cold at 11:15 we decided it just wasn't worth it. On we went to the Venetian and up I went to the suite, where the party was already in full swing. Hah, get it? Officially billed as The 5th Annual Adult Industry Party, with numerous names associated with the hosting and presenting - including mine! - this was the big night I'd been looking forward to. Professional photographer James Campbell was set up in one room to capture anyone game for a shoot and a DJ was spinning in the living room, where a St. Andrew's Cross and stripper pole awaited some action. But best of all, there was an open bar! I began taking advantage of that immediately!

It didn't take long for the place to fill up with dozens of swingers and players, both local and from around the country, plus just about the entire cast of characters I'd been partying with the previous nights. Ron Jeremy made a brief appearance, as did Dick Chibbles and Daisy. Velocity and Pink stopped in, David Aaron Clark showed up on the late side with Gram Ponante, Porno Jim and Dicie were there till the very end, Kink.com mastermind Peter Acworth showed up when the party was at its apex and I was happy to see Polly Pandemonium had taken me up on my invitation to attend with her friend David, a fetish event producer from London. The two Jacuzzi bathtubs stood empty, much to my dismay, so I took it upon myself, in collusion with the cute and charming Tyler from Portland, to fill one up with four bottles of bubble bath. Again, with the press of a button we had mounds of suds spilling out onto the bathroom floor and again I started a bubble war. This time the end result was three hot half-naked babes being tied up in bondage by a guy in nothing but a kilt.

I finally dragged my ass home at about 5:30 in the morning, carrying my shoes and wishing I'd indulged in a few pharmaceuticals. I knew the next day would be agony. But all in all, I have to say, this was my most fun time in Vegas to date. Virtually no time wasted on pointless industry parties and no hours spent sucking up to self-important porn hacks. Just maximum amount of alcohol-fueled fun sucked out of what's usually an uninspiring and exhausting "business trip!"

AVN 2007 Party Wrap-up! - by Abby Ehmann Top of the Guide

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